IELTS Essay Band 7: Expansion of International Companies and Globalization

Question
question icon

The spread of multinational companies and the resulting increase of globalization will have positive effects on everyone.

To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Your submission
During the last few years, the expansion of international companies has accelerated the pace of globalization. While such a trend could be beneficial to some people, I would argue that it is not true for all individuals in the world. To begin with, globalization will improve many people’s
way that services and products can be more easily accessed. This is because globalization is often accompanied
frequent trade in goods and technology among countries, making these not constrained to the local market, but easily acquired from other regions as well. For instance, because of
international expansion, most of us are
, and paying a much lower price when taking a ride. Conversely, if such
were only accessible in the U.S, then
would be able to enjoy such a convenient and
lifestyle. Nevertheless, the proliferation of international companies may affect some employees in a negative way as there will be fewer job opportunities. The reason for that
order to cut operational expenses, corporations tend to migrate their
to countries where tax rates and
are much cheaper. As a consequence, employees who work at
will be under great risk of losing
, and be put under a pressing financial burden if it finally happens. In conclusion, although the rise in globalization can affect most of us positively, in the sense that we can enjoy life better with high quality goods, it might also harm some people due to reduction in job opportunities and the
unemployment.
Your band
7
Overall band

Bandscore

CATEGORY
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
Task Achievement


Band: 7

Grammatical Range & Accuracy


Band: 7

Coherence & Cohesion


Band: 7

Lexical Resource


Band: 7

Band breakdown
7

Task Achievement

You have done a good job of addressing the question and presenting a balanced view on the issue. Your ideas are relevant and you have provided some good examples to support your points. However, you could improve your essay by providing more specific examples and by exploring the impacts of globalization on different groups of people in more depth. Also, make sure to clearly state your position on the issue in the introduction and use more cohesive devices to improve the flow of ideas.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Provide more specific examples to support your points.
  • Clearly state your position on the issue in the introduction.
  • Use more cohesive devices to improve the flow of ideas.
  • Explore the impacts of globalization on different groups of people in more depth.
7

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

You have demonstrated a good understanding of grammatical structures and your essay is generally well written. However, there are a few areas where you could improve. Firstly, try to use a wider variety of sentence structures to make your writing more engaging. Secondly, avoid using colloquial language as it can make your writing seem less formal. Finally, make sure to proofread your essay to correct minor errors.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Use a wider variety of sentence structures, such as passive voice or conditional sentences.
  • Avoid using colloquial language like 'uber’s'.
  • Use more precise vocabulary to avoid incorrect word usage.
  • Proofread the essay to correct minor errors.
7

Coherence and Cohesion

You have done a good job in organizing your essay and presenting your arguments. Your ideas are logically arranged and the progression of your thoughts is clear. However, you could improve your essay by providing a brief overview of the points to be discussed in the body paragraphs in the introduction and restating the thesis statement more clearly in the conclusion. Also, try to use a wider range of cohesive devices to link your ideas and arguments, and avoid using the same vocabulary and sentence structures repeatedly.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Try to provide a brief overview of the points to be discussed in the body paragraphs in the introduction.
  • Restate the thesis statement more clearly in the conclusion.
  • Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link your ideas and arguments.
  • Avoid using the same vocabulary and sentence structures repeatedly.
7

Lexical Resource

You have demonstrated a strong command of English vocabulary in this essay. Your word choice is precise and appropriate, and you have used a wide range of vocabulary to express your ideas. However, there is one instance where your word choice is unclear ('contaminant unemployment'). Consider revising this phrase to improve clarity. Overall, your lexical resource is strong and contributes to the effectiveness of your essay.

Band breakdown & tips
  • The phrase 'contaminant unemployment' is unclear and may be a misuse of the word 'contaminant'. Consider using a different word or phrase to express this idea.
  • Try to use more complex sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
  • Consider using more synonyms to avoid repetition and to demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary.
Word count
259
250
259
Recommended word count: 250+
Paragraph count
4
3
4
4
Recommended paragraph count: 3-4
Grammar errors
Writing Precision
The answer is related to the question and the writer has taken a balanced approach, agreeing that globalization has positive effects but also acknowledging its negative impacts. The precision and focus of the answer can be improved by providing more specific examples and by clearly stating the writer's position in the introduction.
Grammatical structures
The essay uses a variety of structures including simple, compound, and complex sentences. The range of structures is wide, including declarative sentences, conditional sentences, and cause-effect structures.
Relationships between ideas
The relationships between ideas are displayed well in the essay. The writer uses cohesive devices and examples to connect the ideas and arguments.