IELTS Essay Band 7.5: Year for work or travel

Question
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In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this.

Your submission
In some parts of the world, students are encouraged to go abroad to work or travel for a year before attending college. This
will examine the advantages and disadvantages of such a decision. There are many
students work or travel abroad for a year after secondary school. If a student lands a job overseas, this could result in having a substantial salary enough to cover the tuition fees and
. In other words, young people can be self-sufficient
longer need to
from their parents while attending college. Another advantage for young people when they
another country is that they will be exposed to cultures different from their own. This will probably make them
thinkers in the future. However, regardless of how useful
is for students, there are various drawbacks to this decision. If someone secured a job with a high wage abroad,
decide not to enroll
since pursuing further education
benefit him financially anymore. Another point to consider is that travelling to another country
. It is a financial burden
families especially
from their parents.
to pay for their college fees or
of the family in their other endeavors.
In conclusion, although travelling or working abroad for a year after high school
help young people to earn
discover new things, it may be costly for parents as well as lead to loss of interest in pursuing higher education.
Your band
7.5
Overall band

Bandscore

CATEGORY
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
Task Achievement


Band: 7

Grammatical Range & Accuracy


Band: 7

Coherence & Cohesion


Band: 7

Lexical Resource


Band: 8

Band breakdown
7

Task Achievement

The essay is well-structured and addresses the question, discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of young people working or traveling for a year before starting university. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples and evidence to support the points made. The writer could also use more transitional phrases to guide the reader through the essay.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Provide more specific examples and evidence to support the points made.
  • Use more transitional phrases to guide the reader through the essay.
  • Provide more detailed explanations and evidence to support the points made.
7

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

You have demonstrated a good understanding of English sentence structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors, particularly with the use of articles and prepositions. These errors do not significantly impede communication, but they do affect the overall quality of your writing. I would suggest that you work on improving your use of articles and prepositions, and try to use a wider range of grammatical structures in your writing.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Use a wider range of grammatical structures, such as passive voice, conditionals, and relative clauses.
  • Improve the use of articles and prepositions.
  • Try to avoid repetition of certain phrases and structures to make the essay more varied and interesting.
7

Coherence and Cohesion

You have done a good job of organizing your essay and presenting your ideas clearly. Your use of linking words and phrases helps to connect your ideas and paragraphs. However, you could improve your essay by providing more specific examples to support your points and using a wider range of linking words and phrases. Also, make sure to fully develop each point you make. Keep up the good work!

Band breakdown & tips
  • Provide more specific examples to support the points made in the body paragraphs. For example, you could discuss a specific case of a student who benefited from working abroad before attending university.
  • Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas and paragraphs. For example, instead of always using 'However,' you could use 'On the other hand,' 'Nevertheless,' or 'Conversely.'
  • Make sure to fully develop each point you make. For example, when discussing the disadvantage of the cost of traveling, you could go into more detail about the financial burden this could place on families.
8

Lexical Resource

You have done an excellent job in terms of Lexical Resource. Your vocabulary range is wide and you have used it flexibly and accurately. You have also demonstrated your ability to use less common vocabulary. Keep up the good work!

Band breakdown & tips
  • Try to use more complex sentence structures to demonstrate your grammatical range.
  • Avoid repetition of certain words and phrases to make your writing more varied and interesting.
  • Use more specific examples to support your ideas and make your writing more convincing.
Word count
281
250
281
Recommended word count: 250+
Paragraph count
4
3
4
4
Recommended paragraph count: 3-4
Grammar errors
Writing Precision
The answer is related to the question and addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of young people working or traveling for a year before starting university. However, the precision and focus can be improved by providing more specific examples and evidence to support the points made.
Grammatical structures
The essay uses a variety of structures including simple, compound, and complex sentences. The range of structures is quite wide, demonstrating a good understanding of English sentence structures.
Relationships between ideas
The relationships between ideas are displayed well in the essay. The writer clearly distinguishes between the advantages and disadvantages of the topic.